Attention, Geeks!

We're starting planning early for Gen Con Indy 2010. We hope to have a plethora of skeptical events, and we need all the help we can get! Anyone who wants to help in any capacity, whether sitting on a panel, giving a talk, or just tossing ideas around, please visit the Gen Con Skeptics Forum where we'll all toss our ideas about and develop our programming for next year!

18 November 2009

Antivax Death Threats in Indianapolis

The H1N1 pandemic seems to have had a dual effect on the antivaccination movement. On one hand, they've stepped up their efforts to link to vaccination any illness anywhere that occurs within the remote temporal vicinity of a person getting a shot, and they've focused specifically on the H1N1 vaccine and (perhaps to a lesser extent) on the seasonal flu vaccine.

On the other hand, the media coverage of the pandemic has left less room for fawning editorials or interviews with prominent antivaxxers. Most coverage, at least as far as I can tell, seems to be focused on all the people getting the H1N1 vaccine and all the people who want it but can't get it yet.

Regardless of how media coverage has changed (or not), the uber-nutters are still out there, as evidenced by this recent story from WTHR Indianapolis.

In summary, an anonymous pediatrician in Indianapolis received death threats from a guy in Seattle, Washington named Stan Lippman. From the police report:

Mr. Lippmann said that something bad might happen to the doctor and her nurse and the nurse's unborn baby. He further said 'the H1N1 virus is a hoax made up by the government in order to inoculate thousands of children to get them sick.'
Where's the evidence of this? Where are the thousands of sick children? Lippman doesn't seem to notice this conspicuous absence.

There is precious little information on Mr. Lippman, but he is likely a conspiracy theorist:
He keeps a vaccine update on the site focusing on the number of Israelis who die after getting shots.
This odd kind of specificity (what about gentiles who die after getting shots?) tells me that he's not looking for facts: he seems to be propogating some sort of weird conspiracy to kill Jews by vaccination. I call it weird because, as conspiracy theories go, Jews are usually on the inside conspiring against everyone else.

But not only is he conspiracy-mongering, he's also entirely full of shit:
Lippman claims that "the flu shot that is now given to children contains 1,600 times as much mercury as a can of tuna."
Words cannot express the profound divorce from reality that it takes to make such an intensely ridiculous statement. Only the multi-dose version of the H1N1 contains any thimerosal at all. The single-dose shots and the nasal spray contain no thimerosal. Of course, it's irrelevant anyway, because thimerosal is not mercury and has never been shown to be harmful, anyway.

Of course, when you're Stan Lippman, pure metallic mercury itself is probably mixed in with the other ingredients of the vaccine. But when you do the math, assuming 52.7 micrograms in 6 ounces of tuna fish (figured from the average figured by the FDA in a 1993 report), you find that Lippman is arguing that the flu vaccine contains 84320 micrograms of methylmercury. That's 84.32 milligrams.

That much mercury in a tiny little vaccine vial probably wouldn't go unnoticed.

Of course, Lippman's wrongness pales in comparison to the actions to which his wrongness has led him. The antivaxxers are quite clearly a danger to public health; resurgence of measles in the UK, a recent mumps outbreak in the Bronx, and resurgences of vaccine-preventable diseases in areas with low vaccination rates attest to this.

People like Stan Lippman, however, demonstrate that the antivaccination movement is also dangerous on an individual level. Dr. Paul Offit received death threats for fighting against the antivaxxers, and now it's clear he's not the only one. And they aren't stopping there:
The doctor's offices in Ohio have also been targeted. Metro Police say they are working with the FBI and Homeland Security's fusion center as part of this interstate investigation.
They won't stop at endangering children and those who cannot, for medical reasons, be vaccinated. Some of them even want to kill vaccine advocates directly.

Antivaxxers are seriously wrong, seriously harmful, and some of them are clearly seriously unhinged.

Lippman apparently has a website, but a cursory googling did not turn it up. If I can find it, I will most definitely tear it apart here.

This is Stan Lippman. He is a dangerous ideological fanatic. If you see this man, tell him that he is a dangerous ideologue and that he could not possibly be more wrong.

The action continues below the fold...

16 November 2009

Monday eBay: Oops, You're White. And Racist.

Today, ladies and gentlemen, in recognition of that upcoming and uniquely American holiday of Thanksgiving, where we celebrate eating a fictional meal with people against whom we attempted genocide, I have decided to bring you some Native American woo, as sold on eBay by some old white lady.

What old white lady, you may ask? You'll have to go below the fold to find out.

Item number 330347019962: MA'HEO'O REIKI COURSE (NATIVE AMERICAN - GREAT SPIRIT)

Our old white woman is named Rosemary, and--well, I'll just let the seller tell you.
Rosemary is a holistic healer, a Reiki Grand Master, and Certified Master Teacher of a multitude of Reiki forms specializing in Usui and Kundalini Reiki.
So she's into Asian bullshit. Why the Native American spin?

It's worth noting that she apparently does other things: "Crystals, grid work, shamanic, chakras, lucid dreaming, Modality Tapping," and the list goes on. She practices from "Magickal Myrtle Beach," presumably from the inside of a sacred configuration of miniature golf courses.

I always knew something was sinister about that place.
Ma'heo'O Reiki

Ma'heo'o translated means Great Spirit, Great One or God. The word Ma'heo'o is Cheyenne, Native American language.
The word "Reiki" is American, woo-peddler language.
This system of energy works will combine the elements of Earth, Air, Water, and Fire with the Great Spirit to effectively promote and activate healing in the human condition.
Little known True Fact: Native American cosmology was heavily influenced by the philosophy of Classical Greece.
Ma'heo'o Reiki was created by Rev. Sheryl Carter
I'm sure her nickname is "Trailing Coyote" or somesuch.
and employs symbols derived from the Native American Peoples and Mother Earth so as to work in accordance with Native American Tradition.
Yeah, because all Native American Peoples had the same symbols and traditions. They were all in the same place. No pesky heterogeneity to worry about, right?
It contains a variety of new techniques based on Native American Spirituality which offer the ability to bring you into alignment with the frequencies of the elements, center and calm the 5 elements within our bodies, bring about recognition of our sacred name and totem animals, teachings of connecting the sacred circuit.
Apart from the fact that that isn't a sentence, I feel the need to remind the reader that our kind seller previously only named four elements. I guess now we can form Captain Planet.
The Ma'heo'o Reiki course will guide you through the various frequencies of the energy symbols and techniques that you can use to improve and enrich your life. Native American Tradition is covered and incorporated into the treatments and the completing of the Sacred Circuit techniques.
The Handbook of North American Indians is a fifteen-volume encyclopedia (with plans to top out at twenty) that attempts to collect and organize all of the information we have about the various tribes, nations, and organizations of Indians. It's been a work in progress since 1978. Somehow I doubt a little pamphlet can, in any capacity, cover and incorporate "Native American Tradition."

I guess our seller is just a flaming racist!

The action continues below the fold...

12 November 2009

Holy Crap, I'm Busy!

Midterms, term papers, anti-anti-vax presentations, research for work, and other excuses abound!

No time tonight, either, to write anything substantive, but I will be attending PZ Myers' presentation here at Purdue tomorrow night, so follow my Twitter because I will be live blogging it, in 160 character bits, from my new and awesome Palm Pre smartphone.

Maybe next week I'll say something useful. Until then, enjoy last week's Skeptics Circle that I missed, at Blue Genes.

Oh, my anti-anti-vax talk for the Purdue Skeptics Society went quite well. I'm working on getting it to YouTube ASAP.

The action continues below the fold...

28 October 2009

Skeptical Stuff is Happening

Two events of note:

Number 1: The third planning meeting for Skepchicamp Chicago 2010 is on Saturday, November 14th at the Galway Arms Irish Pub in Chicago at 1:30PM. I'm always looking for more speakers or presenters or magicians or whatnot to fill out the roster, and the more people at the meeting the more input we'll have.

Number 2: On Tuesday, November 10th I will be giving a talk to the Purdue Skeptics Society titled "The March of the Mercury Militia." I will cover the history and current activities of the anti-vax movement, how wrong they are about everything, how they have been a measurable detriment to public health. I will also touch a bit on the history of autism research and offer ideas for what we can do to counter their insanity. The talk is at 8:00PM in the Psychology building, room 3187.

I expect everyone that reads this to be there. No excuses!

The action continues below the fold...

23 October 2009

Formal Systems, Playing Cards, and Con Men

I play a lot of solitaire on my iPod Touch. It's seriously problematic at times; just ask my fiancee. Matter of fact, the gadget seems to exist mostly for three purposes: listening to podcasts, surfing the net, and playing solitaire.

Over many hours I've become somewhat adept at knowing which cards are still buried toward the end of a game and, knowing that, whether or not I have any chance to win based on what they're buried under. This led me to realize that I was basically claiming knowledge without direct empirical evidence. I can deduce what cards are where without actually looking at them. More accurately, I can deduce probabilities without actually looking at the cards, but when I have only one buried card, I can know exactly what it is without ever turning it over.

This idea crept around my head for a while: as a dyed-in-the-wool skeptic and empiricist, as someone who always demands evidence before I apportion belief, I was claiming certain knowledge of the contents of a hidden object through indirect deduction without ever actually looking at it. I began considering the question "Can we ever reliably know something specific about the world without direct empirical evidence?"

The answer, I think, is "yes." The answer is also "no."

Let's take this one at a time.

The answer is "yes" in certain limited contexts like, for example, a deck of playing cards. The contents of a deck of playing cards are predetermined, and regular, and organized into sets; every deck has the same 52 cards that can be broken down by color, by suit, or by number (defined loosely). If I turn over 51 cards and the only one not showing is the king of hearts, I know without looking that the face-down card is the king of hearts. I don't have to look to confirm. I will always be right. If I pull out all aces and turn over three to find a heart, a spade, and a diamond, I know that the one I can't see is a club.

Of course, when you have more than once face-down card, this isn't quite so accurate. Until you only have one unknown, you can only judge probability. Turning half of the deck face-up allows you to determine with certainty which cards are face-down without looking at them, but your certainty ends there. You only have a 1/26 chance of getting any specific face-down card correct. Let's say you start turning cards face-up at this point, one by one. As the number of face-down cards lowers, your level of certainty (read: "chance of guessing a specific card correctly") increases: 1/25, 1/24, 1/23, and so on until only one face-down card is left, at which point the probability has collapsed to a 1/1.

As far as I can tell, this is how really good blackjack card counters work; they keep track of what has already been played and figure probabilities to determine what move to make. Of course, I'm no blackjack player, so I might be fictionalizing this based on Rainman. Please correct me if I'm wrong.

Incidentally, this kind of collapse of probability as choices are minimized is what is behind the counterintuitive solution to the Monty Hall problem. It's not easy to grasp why you should switch doors when there are only three options, but if we model the problem with a deck of cards, it becomes much more obvious. Monty tells you that if you pick the ace of spades, you win the new car. You choose a card from the deck, giving yourself a 1/52 chance to win and leaving a 51/52 chance that the winner is among the other cards. Monty then reveals the faces of fifty other cards, all of them losers and asks if you want to switch to the other remaining card. At this point, because you chose when all cards were face-down, your pick still only have a 1/52 chance of being the winner. Because Monty always leaves the winner, however, the other face-down card stands in for the rest of the deck and has a 51/52 chance of being the winner. You can judge this probability and make the switch.

Anyway, if Monty asks you to turn over your card (whether you switched or not) and it is not the ace of spades, the one remaining card must be the ace of spades. You can know this with 100% certainty.

Right?

Well, no.

The answer is only "yes" for systems necessarily governed by hard and fast absolute rules. A deck of cards is a system like that, as is a cup-and-ball game (i.e. if two cups are empty, the ball must be under the third) or a multiple-choice test question (i.e. the process of elimination: if you know A, B, and C are wrong, even if you don't know D is right, you know D is right). As long as the standard rules (the axioms) hold in systems like these, you can, in fact, know something about the world with 100% certainty without directly observing it.

The only reason this works, though, is that (to get back to our original example) a deck of cards functions essentially as an axiomatic system: a set of absolute rules governs the contents of a deck of cards, but we created those rules and accept them a prioi as given for any regulation deck. In a conceptual axiomatic system, like mathematics or formal logic, every statement proven true in the confines of the system is true only by virtue of and in relation to the rules of that system. And the rules, to quote MarkCC of Good Math, Bad Math, "aren't rules about the universe - they're self-contained rules about concepts that they describe."

A deck of cards then, can perhaps be called a material axiomatic system. The rules governing the contents of a deck of cards are not facts about the universe; they only apply to decks of cards. More to the point, those rules only apply to decks of cards that follow those rules. Tautology? Yes. But true nevertheless, and very important in a moment.

When you deduce the contents of the final face-down card, what you're doing is figuring out a specific consequence of a set of constructed axioms; you're making a statement about the deck of cards based on the formal rules governing a deck of cards. Of course, you are, in fact, arriving at 100% empirical knowledge without direct observation, but that's simply a consequence of the fact that a deck of cards, unlike numbers or rules of logic, exist in the real world. They form a material axiomatic system.

This, then, is why the answer is "no." You can only know something with 100% certainty if you're making a statement about a system based on the rules governing that system. If the system happens to be represented by material objects, then it appears that your deduction allows you to discern empirical facts without direct observation when you're really only engaging the system's rules. The conclusions only hold so long as the rules hold.

And rules, as they say, are meant to be broken.

Let's say I lay out a deck of cards, 51 of them face-up, a single lonely card face-down. I instruct you to tell me what the face-down card is. Given the rules of a deck of cards, you can tell me exactly what it is without looking. Unless, of course, I'm not using a regulation deck. If you're basing your deduction on the rules of a deck of cards and my deck of cards doesn't follow those rules, then you can't know anything about it without direct observation. Your rules, remember, only apply to decks that follow them (and, more to the point, about deductions about decks that follow them), and my deck doesn't. My deck may be entirely random, which case nothing you do will avail you. Or it might even follow its own set of rules, in which case the rules of a standard deck won't get you anywhere.

Basically, any deduction relies on the rules of a deck of cards and is only useful to describe a deck of cards, but those rules are not immutable. They're constructed. And they can be changed. When they get changed, what would, with a regulation deck, be a watertight deduction becomes, instead, a stab in the dark; you can only draw your 100% empirical conclusion in an extremely limited context. And because you can't know with 100% certainty whether or not you're actually working within that context, you can never be 100% sure about your conclusion.

This is, in a sense, how many card tricks work. The magician is utilizing a different set of rules than the audience. The audience is working within the system of a regulation deck of playing cards with a few tacked-on assumptions, e.g. the deck has been randomized, the magician doesn't know anything about the locations of cards in the deck, the magician is telling the truth (what a silly assumption). The audience's adherence to rules like these is what allows the magician to manipulate them, and its why they're amazed when he does. They think the deck (and the magician) is functioning and must function in one way, but the magician knows it doesn't have to and does something outside their system and thus outside their expectations.

I own a deck of Zener cards. Each is marked subtly no two back corners to indicate what is on the face. If I were to use them for a psychic trick, the audience would be working with the following assumed axioms: the cards are uniform, they are random, and I have no way of knowing what is on the other side. I might even lie to reinforce one or more of these assumptions. I would then work with my own set of axioms: mark A means "star," mark B means "square," and so on. The audience, because they're working under one set of rules, thinks I'm just guessing, but I am in fact making 100% accurate knowledge claims based on the rules of my own system.

Of course, afterward they may begin to question their set of rules. Or they may think I'm psychic.

On a more sinister note, this kind of rule discontinuity, so to speak, is how lots of con games function. Three-card Monte and the shell game are prime examples : they function by causing the mark to operate under a different set of rules than the con artists, rules that lead him to erroneous conclusions because they don't necessarily apply to all situations; he thinks he can draw solid conclusions about some small facet of the universe (which card is the queen, which shell is the ball under) without direct observation, but he doesn't realize that such a conclusion is only really making a statement about the system under whose rules he is operating. And if the dealer is operating under a different system, he'll just take all your money.

All of this gives us some insight into yet another reason why science is so important: the universe, far as we know, is not an axiomatic system, so we can't draw any conclusions about it with any level of confidence unless we actually go look at it. Directly. As often and as rigorously as possible. Sure, the universe has laws, but it doesn't follow them, exactly; that phrasing is just an unfortunate quirk of the English language. Our physical laws are attempts (usually pretty accurate ones) to describe the way the universe behaves. By contrast, the rules of a formal system are prescriptive: they define and govern what must happen in the system.

What we already know (or think we know) about the universe allows us to deduce new possibilities. We don't just accept them, though. We call them "hypotheses" and go out and check with the universe to see whether or not we were right.

Armchair-types (like theologians and many philosophers) like to think we can make accurate statements about the nature of reality from the comfort of our living rooms with only the power of our minds (using, strangely enough, formal logic, which is itself based on a number of axioms without which it doesn't function). The universe, however, is not very amenable to that. It is not a constructed formal system and it doesn't have to follow our rules. The universe goes its own way.

The most we can do is to use our science, meager as it may be when compared to the cosmos, and try our best to keep up.

The action continues below the fold...

22 October 2009

The Power of Miscommunication

To hear believers tell it, the world is awash with evidence for the truth of paranormal phenomena. Why, there are photographs of ghosts, alien spacecraft, and cryptids. There are even videos of all of the above. There's EVP, thermal imagine anomalies, and people who can read minds and predict futures. To top it all off, there are countless people who have experienced the paranormal and/or supernatural and lived to tell the tale.

And yet we skeptics keep right on doubting. How dogmatic of us!

In my head there lives a simplified version of a believer/skeptic conversation. It's a sort of archetype of how I believe these things often work out. It goes like this:

Believer: Come on Mr. Skeptic, stop being so doubtful! Of course ghosts exist!
Skeptic: Show me the evidence, then.
Believer runs around with digital cameras, sound recorders, and infrared thermometers for a while and then returns.
Believer: I have a bunch of evidence right here. Take that, Mr. Skeptic!
Skeptic: Sorry, that's not evidence. I want real evidence. I want scientific evidence.
Believer: (Sputters for a moment.)But...That is real evidence! I used science! You're just dogmatic and closed-minded!

Like I said, that is a radically simplified attempt to capture the general flow of the conversation between skeptics and paranormal believers. I think, though, it captures a discontinuity in what skeptics say and what we really mean.

What we tend to talk about all the time is evidence. I remember a cheesy line used by Michael Shermer, I believe, that skeptics are from Missouri: the "Show Me State." Sagan's maxim states that "Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence." Essentially, we won't abandon the null hypothesis until we see good evidence for the truth of a claim.

What we actually tend to mean when we say that is that we want good evidence, by which we mean evidence derived through proper and rigorous application of critical thinking and the scientific method (however it it is applied in a given context). We want evidence that is produced by methods widely known to generate accurate statements about reality. This is rarely made terribly explicit. At the very least, it tends to take a backseat to the pithier but more simplistic call for just plain "evidence."

What paranormal believers hear is "We want evidence." They then show us what they believe to be evidence for their claim, only to have that evidence rejected when a skeptic looks at it. They show us because of what we say; we reject it because of what we mean.

This idea is touched upon in my post from a couple of years ago called "The Poverty of UFO Photography," wherein I say:

All the photos in the world of grainy flying things will never prove or even support the claim that aliens are visiting Earth. To support that claim you'd need a ship, a body, or parts of either or both. A photo of something mysterious will never prove that said something is what you happen to think it is and thus whatever you think it is exists; for that you need hard evidence.
In this case, photography is not a method known to reliably represent reality in an accurate manner. It is too open to mistakes, to faulty judgment, to hardware limitations, to hoaxes. A scientific examination of an alien, an alien craft, or even parts of an alien craft can set us on the road to the judgment that aliens do exist and do, in fact, visit Earth. Photography cannot.

What I think believers might hear from us is "I want evidence," followed by "That's not evidence. Bring me good evidence." From their perspective, this must feel like we're moving the goalposts or just being dismissive; they truly believe that they have evidence. In reality, we know what we want and they aren't bringing it. But perhaps they don't know what we want.

I think, as skeptics, we need to make a concerted effort to take control of this dialogue and rewrite it. Instead of asking for evidence, we ask for reliable evidence and then explain what we mean by that. We should explain beforehand why the mountain of "evidence" to which believers like to point is not, in fact, worth very much (if anything at all). We need to make our real position as clear as possible and not oversimplify it into a general call for "evidence."

There are dual benefits here. Firstly, it further elucidates the burden of proof the believers have to meet. This way, if they bring some EVP to the table, we can say "No, that's not what we agreed upon. You used pseudoscience to gather that." Secondly, it acts to further educate folks in science and critical thinking, and that's never a bad thing. It is perhaps the most important thing we can do.

Poor education in these methods is what leads many people to think that their "investigations" are "scientific" if they use high-tech equipment, or that eyewitness testimony is sufficient to establish an extraordinary claim. Herein lies an even more fundamental miscommunication that goes down to the level of primary school education. Children (especially in the USA, it seems) do not learn about science as a method, and they do not learn about critical thinking at all. They aren't taught the differences between good science, bad science, and pseudoscience, and are thus unable to differentiate these categories as adults.

If somebody finishes school thinking that any of the folks on any of those ghost hunting shows is doing science, that person has been done a great disservice. We can perhaps help to rectify that disservice, however, by clearly explaining our standards of evidence and why those standards are what they are. Just asking for evidence hasn't worked so far and it never will so long as believers think that they have evidence. I think it's time for something different.

The action continues below the fold...

19 October 2009

Monday eBay: The Dead Walk

Today, in celebration of the Halloween season and of the awesomeness of the movie Zombieland (seriously; go see it if you haven't yet), I searched eBay's "metaphysical" section for "zombie." I really didn't expect to find anything.

I should have known better. In the crazy world of eBay woo-woo, even the living dead have mystickal powers to aid your everyday existence. Freed from their physical shackles, zombies are apparently much smarter than their shambling, earth-bound cousins and desire only to help their masters. Ladies and gentlemen, I bring you...

Item Number 350266702360: Zombie Guardian Servitor Pendant
Halloween Special Holiday Guardian


This .75 inch (2cm) leopardskin jasper drop pendant has a powerful zombie guardian servitor spirit bonded to it.
"Guardian servitor" is a bit hoity-toity for a rotting corpse, I think.
For those who have the psychic capability to see spirits, this guardian will appear as a male zombie in a moderate state of decay.
That's worth fifteen bucks.
The servitor will guard its owner from hostile spirit entities, and psychic and magickal attacks, and can provide shielding against excessive psychic input and stressful negative energy when requested.
Do you hide behind it? Or does it eat the attacker's brains, which renders their ability to use psychic power rather useless?
It is capable of counter-attacking hostile spirits or persons who have attacked its owner,
By eating their brains?
and can create complex defenses using a variety of psychic and magickal shields and wards.
Undead magic user...wouldn't that make him a lich?
To put things into simpler terms, this item is 'haunted' by a spirit that will protect and serve its owner.
So he's like a zombie policeman. I wonder if he tases them before he eats their brains.
This is not a summoned spirit, but is instead a created spirit, formed and patterned from psychic and magickal energies.
I wonder what the difference is between "psychic energies" and "magickal energies."
Entities of this type are called servitors, constructs, or energy golems.
So...does changing "emet" to "met" activate this golem?
Just like summoned spirits, this entity is intelligent, and has a personality and the ability to learn and grow.
When it learns that it's a corpse in a "moderate state of decay," someone is gonna have some splainin' to do.
This servitor will defend the person who wears or carries this item, and will also obey and defend its owner so long as the item is within 100 feet of them.
That's convenient. I can leave the pendant in the restroom at a truck stop and then go taunt some truckers. They'll sure get a surprise when Casper the Friendly Zombie shows up to defend me!
They will obey their owner's directives to the best of their ability to accomplish any requested task.
"Zombie, grab the pooper scooper and go clean up the back yard!"
They continue to learn from those around them, and those they defend against, to become more effective, powerful, and skilled over time.
*Zombie has reached level 2!*
In addition to these standard capabilities, it may be able to aid communication with the dead and induce fear in those who are susceptable.
May be able to aid communication with the dead? You created the fucker, man. Don't you know how the hell it works? That's like GM saying "This car may accelerate." Not much use in that, is there?
You will notice that I am not a 13th generation witch, my voodoo-practicing grandmother did not die and leave me a legacy of magickal items, and nothing is cursed.
Then what do you bring to the table? I mean, honestly here, man. Where's your hoodoo street cred?
I believe in providing practioners and non-practicing sensitives alike with a REAL item of power.
Good thing, that.
We are extremely proud of our work, and these servitors are capable of far more than is described in this listing.
Open-ended much?
Our starting bid price is low because we believe our work will stand on its own, and as word gets around, these items will be in increasing demand.
Sadly, you're probably right.

And there you have it, folks. A constructed zombie golem spirit that can cast magic spells and for some reason is not interested in eating brains.

Way to go, newage! You've pussified and watered down yet another classic horror monster! Keep it up and every single beast, monster, and creature from myth and fiction will be the same bland, benevolent psychic pablum! You're doing mythology and literature such a great service!

The action continues below the fold...

14 October 2009

The Dawkins Report

So I was at Richard Dawkins' lecture at Indiana University Monday night.

It was certainly interesting.

Like I said in my brief announcement post, I brought my bible in the hopes that he would sign it. He did not; he was only signing his books. I'm disappointed; I was really hoping to have a Dawkins-autographed bible. That would be awesome.

The actual interesting stuff that happened that night is under the fold.

When first we arrived (and by "we" I mean "Magus and I"), we got lost in Bloomington. After finally finding a parking garage, we arrived at the auditorium just in time to get two of the reserved seats we had manage to obtain. On our way up the stairs into the auditorium, a couple of smugly smiling older men greeted us and handed us each a wonderful little card-tract of the kind we received at Gen Con 2008. It has a (probably illegal) picture of a GEICO caveman and says "Evolution: Even cavemen don't believe it!"

The tract really deserves its own post, so that's all I'll say about it here.

When we got seated, I was immediately excited because, oddly enough, it was the IU auditorium that was featured in the DVD set An Evening With Kevin Smith. I was there to see Richard Dawkins, and I was excited because Kevin Smith had been there like six years ago. Eh.

Dawkins came out after a brief introduction and proceeded to, for about half an hour or so, read selections from The Greatest Show on Earth. That was kind of disappointing, to be honest. I was hoping for an interested speech or presentation; if I want to know what the book said, I can read it anytime. What was impressive, though, was his elocution; his writing has such a poetic touch and he reads it better than anyone else ever could. It sounds so fluid, so inspiring in his confident received pronunciation that it makes one want to go buy and read the book immediately.

After the reading was the Q&A session, which really was the true meat and potatoes of the event. It allowed Dawkins to flex his intellect and be a bit more off-the-cuff. I was really hoping for a crazy fundie, but no dice. What we got instead was a gaggle of fucking retards.

Of all the questions asked, I remember two that were good floating on a sea of mediocrity under which moved a seething undertow of Epic Fail. Jen asked how educators might counteract the childhood indoctrination inherent in places like the Creation Museum, and, as she related, he didn't actually answer her question. He went off on the "bee in [his] bonnet," as he put it: the labeling of children with their parents' religion. The other good question was a guy who asked Dawkins to speculate on how he figured the creationists would misuse and spin Ardipithecus ramidus.

Of course, that guy doesn't totally get a pass because he greeted Dawkins with the salutation "How the hell are ya?"

Which brings me to the rant section of this post.

Why the hell is it that when people attend an event like this, when they get the opportunity to expand their knowledge by asking questions of a noted authority, they decide that the show has to be about them for a minute? I get that sometimes it's just nervousness caused by trying to elucidate something into a microphone in front of a large audience, but the rambly questions that usually result from that are not what I mean.

Why is it that 75% of people have to be fucking assholes and make some sort of a lame joke, or talk themselves up, or ask a "Look at me!" question? Why can't they just ask their questions and get on with it?

He doesn't fucking need to know how "honored" you are to be in the same room with him, or what your fucking background is.

One asshole prefaced his question by speaking in a ridiculously bad British accent and saying something like "I seem to have evolved into a Brit during your talk!" It was fucking painful, and I wanted to run down to the mic and elbow this irritating dickhead in the spleen. The audience groaned, Dawkins looked at him like he was an idiot (because he was), and he tried to save it with more lame jokes before he asked his goddamned question! What the hell?

One guy asked, in essence, "Why don't more scientists try to prove the bible in order to disprove creationism?" He apparently thought that the question made sense, because he stopped there. Dawkins, however, did not answer. So he tried to clarify and dug the hole even deeper. I'm still not sure if that's exactly what he was asking because the question didn't make any sense. Dawkins' reply was to say "I'm sorry, but your question is confusing me. What are you asking?"

One guy rambled on and on and on and on until Dawkins just cut him off and answered the basic gist of the question.

The worst question of all, in my mind, was the fellow who said "I'm so honored that you're here, Dr. Dawkins. I've been a follower since The God Delusion. I just wanted to ask, and I don't believe this at all but I want your answer, why don't apes give birth to humans?"

There is so much wrong about that dude's question I about blew my top. The murmuring around us seemed to generally focus on the dumbass question itself, and that deserves focus, but what really jumped out at me and Magus was the word "follower." You're a follower of Dawkins? Really? He's your fucking leader?

Somebody missed the bus to Critical Thinking Land.

A follower of Dawkins! Like Dawkins is some sort of fucking atheist prophet! And he's been a "follower" since Dawkins' last fucking book! That's like going to a concert on Green Day's 21st Century Breakdown tour and telling Billie Joe "I've been a huge fan since American Idiot!" Good for you, buddy. Way to be an ignorant shit.

The lameness of his question is bad enough already, but it's really put into perspective by his claim to be a "follower" of Dawkins: here is a guy who knows not the most basic facts about how evolution actually functions, but he trusts his high-and-mighty authority figure that it does. He thinks that there is a great ladder of life with humans at the top; he thinks that apes are pre-human evolutionary forms; he thinks that one species giving birth to a totally different one is how evolution moves forward.

These gross misunderstandings live inside his head, but thanks to the word of the Dawkins, the disconnect between his entirely nonsensical "understanding" of evolution and the facts of the real world do not come together to shatter his faith in evolutionary science. He, ignorant though he is, has a blind and unshakable faith in evolution by natural selection because he is a follower of one who says it must be so.

"I don't know shit about evolution, Dr. Dawkins, but you said there's no god and evolution is true so I believe it unquestioningly!"

What a worthless little fucker. Science, to paraphrase Morbo, does not work like that. Shove off, Slappy, and find another religion; you won't find your succor here.

These were the questions that stood out to me. Most of the rest weren't great and weren't terrible, and Dawkins answered most with knowledge and patience. I wondered the whole time if he was thinking something like "Bloody Americans. Why do I even bother?"

Afterward, he signed books in the lobby. I already told you how that ended, but it began like this: a total mess of a line (more of a disorganized horde, really) began to form. It was people-dense and confusing. A guy to my right held up a red book and said "Did anyone else get one of these when they came in?"

I looked and saw what appeared to be a copy of The Origin of Species. I paused for a moment.

"Holy shit!" I then exclaimed. "It's Ray Comfort's edited version! I'm so jealous! I wanted to snag one of those! I had no idea they'd be giving them out here!"

The fellow with the book had no idea what I was talking about, so I briefly explained it to him. He seemed completely uninterested in Ray's antics, and as such he ave me his copy of the book; he didn't want it at all.

I was so excited I about did a dance. I am now, thanks to the kindness of a stranger, a proud owner of one of the limited dition free copies of Darwin's Origin with a special 50-page bullshit intro by Ray Comfort hisownself. I can't wait to dig into Ray's nonsense!

Inside the book were a few things: yet another of the aforementioned caveman tracts, a "Darwin recanted on his deathbed" tract, and a "Hitler loved evolution" tract. It was like a gold mine of fundamentalist lunacy.

It occurs to me that throughout all of this I haven't actually talked much about Richard Dawkins, just about the people and events surrounding him. I suppose that's because, for the most part, what he said were things I already knew and had heard him say before. Not only that, but he was very prim and formal, almost cold. While I was, as I said, impressed with the eloquence with which he read his already eloquent prose, he wasn't suffused with the warmth and personability that so defined the many speakers at TAM7, or James Randi when I saw him at UIUC a while back. The whole event had a very...sanitized feel to it.

Don't get me wrong; I'm glad I went, and Dawkins was a great speaker, but he was a great speaker in a sort of rehearsed, professional, and very proper British way, if you catch my meaning. Lacking was the sheer energy of Adam Savage, or the self-deprecating humor of Michael Shermer, or the irascible vim and vigor of The Amazing Randi.

He did, however, have one point of pure comic brilliance. Someone (I believe it was "Mr. I Evolved Into a Brit and Am an Idiot") asked "Do you find anything at all redeeming about creationism or ID?"

Dawkins, who listened to each question from the edge of the stage, paused for a moment before walking back to the podium. When he got there, he paused again, took a long drink from a glass of water, stood silently for a long moment, and then leaned over and said "No."

Next question.

It was fucking genius timing.

One random thing that occurred to me during the talk was that there seem to be at least two kinds of applause. Normal applause can be called "appreciation applause." This is when you applaud someone as a reward for something they did. This is the kind of applause a band gets between songs, or a comedian gets after a really good joke.

There's another kind of applause, though, and it was this second kind that overwhelmed the IU Auditorium Monday night. I call it "agreement applause." This is when the speaker says something with which you agree heartily so you start applauding to show that you're a back-patting yes-man and to remind yourself how smart you are and how stupid people are who disagree with you. I can't abide agreement applause; it cuts into the talk, it eats up time, and it serves no purpose other than to make the applauders feel like they're something special.

That, I suppose, is that. When I get more time, I'll cover the caveman tract in exhaustive detail; it's pretty damned ridiculous.

The action continues below the fold...

12 October 2009

Dawkins!

I'm about to head out to see Richard Dawkins speak on his new book The Greatest Show on Earth at Indiana University in Bloomington, IN.

I don't own the new book yet, and I read someone else's copy of The God Delusion, so I'm going to see if I can get him to sign my Bible. Wish me luck!

The action continues below the fold...

To Whom It May Concern

Dear People,

Please stop capitalizing the words "atheist," "agnostic," and "skeptic." They are neither titles nor formal group designations. They are descriptors and nothing more. You make the rest of us look like wannabe religious folks when you capitalize these words.

Stop, or I will find you and shove a live weasel up your ass.

You have been warned.

Thank you for your time.

The action continues below the fold...

07 October 2009

Skepchicamp Chicago!

By now, some of you have undoubtedly heard about Skepchicamp, a Skepticamp being thrown by those intrepid skepchicks. I attended the first planning meeting and Skepchick and Supreme Leader Elyse was kind enough to grant me the title of "Speaker Conjurer," which means that I and my dedicated minions are responsible for wrangling up some speakers to present at the event.

We're looking for as many chicks as possible, and we're placing an emphasis on topics that involve women and skepticism, but that's hardly necessary.

Got something to say about science, skepticism, and/or critical thinking? Can you say it in 15-20 minutes? Think you can be in Chicago on Saturday, March 6th, 2010? Drop me a line (o.kakodaimon@gmail.com) and I'll get you hooked up. You can follow the progress of Skepchicamp on Twitter @Skepchicamp, or the progress of speaker conjuring @TalkSkepchicamp, or you can visit our planning forum or the above-linked main site for more information.

Our next planning meeting is Saturday, October 24 at 1:30 at the Galway Arms Irish Pub in Chicago. Perhaps I will see you there.

Spread the word!

The action continues below the fold...

05 October 2009

Monday eBay: Luck o' The Irish

Welcome, once again, to yet another installment of Monday eBay, where I scour eBay for the silliest, most ridiculous woo-woo items up for sale and make fun of them.

This week, I searched "Leprechaun" and, as usual, was not disappointed. A plethora of items awaited me, most of them promising (rather unsurprisingly) to bring the purchaser luck and wealth.

Past installments have taught us that vampires bring good vibrations and centaurs bring happiness. Why is it that those mythical creatures are so totally divorced from their commonly-held characteristics while our poor, green-clad Irish sprite is saddled instead with centuries of stereotyping? Can't the leprechaun bring death to one's enemies? Can't he bring firmer, longer-lasting erections? Alas, the bocht leprechaun is stuck bringing naught but good fortune and saibreas to his purchaser.

You know, if leprechauns had any luck to give away, I figure they wouldn't be caught by hippies and trapped inside cheap baubles for sale on the internet. But maybe that's just me.

Item Number 290351549149: MEET SARKA, UR LUCKY LEPRECHAUN W/WEALTH SPELLS, SZ 8.5
WITH 9 POWERFUL WEALTH $$ SPELLS ALSO CAST WITH HIM!!

WELCOME TO SPIRITED-ENTERPRISE & SPIRAL MORRIGAN

Where the Magick Happens...

Meet Sarka

Your LUCKY LEPRECHAUN cast with an additional

9 POWERFUL WEALTH $$$ SPELLS

for maximum effectiveness!!
Not only is poor Sarka (which sounds less Irish Gaelic and more Conan the Barbarian) crammed into a brooch of some sort and tasked with living down to a cultural cliche, but he is further insulted by the assumption that he needs "9 POWERFUL WEALTH $$$ SPELLS" to increase him to maximum effectiveness.

Maybe they're just coercion spells to make him do what they want him to do; leprechauns always were wily little bastards.
He can aid his companion in:

changing luck

bringing about financial stability

gambling

business

investing

games of chance

unexpected gifts or monies

and so much more!!
So basically he has five dots in the Entropy sphere.
Be warned, his most common manifestation is flicks and streaks of light.
"Flick" is not a noun.
If seeing manifestations is not something you would like, then he is not the companion for you.
Why go out of your way to buy some supernatural something-or-other if you don't like ghostly activity? Shit, if I could buy a lucky brooch that made me rich, or a lucky brooch that made me rich and manifested random flashes of green light, I know which I would choose.
Sarka's vessel is a gorgeous oval,

EMERALD GREEN QUARTZ

ring set in 925 sterling silver (marked inside the band)

Size 8.5
Oh, I guess it's a ring, not a brooch.

Like it makes a difference.
Today is your "LUCKY" day!

Lucky Leprechaun that is!!!
Gosh, the leprechaun will make me lucky? That's so novel!
We here at SPIRITED ENTERPRISE/SPRIAL MORRIGAN strive to bring you the entities YOU want, in a variety of vessels that are sure to please!
Well, I did search "leprechaun," so it can be argued that I wanted this entity. The vessel, on the other hand, is far too gaudy for me.
If you have a special request...just let us know!
Do you suppose they can put a succubus into a vibrator? That might be cool.
Check it out!

Can be worn by either a man or a woman
Though neither would want to.
His vessel should be worn when working with him, but CAN (if necessary) be carried in a pocket or purse.
"If you would get laughed out of work for wearing this giant-ass green ring, I suppose you can put it in your purse.
HOWEVER...

Skin to skin contact is best to fully utilize his talents and abilities!
I hope he's had a vasectomy.
TODAY IS YOUR LUCKY DAY!
Bring a Leprechaun into your life and...

HOLD ON!!
Will my life go careening out of control?
Your life...and luck will never be the same!!
I take that as a "yes."
ALSO PLEASE BE AWARE THAT WE HAVE PRICED OUR LEPRECHAUNS SO LOW AND HAVE SPELL CAST THEM WITH 9 ADDITIONAL WEALTH SPELLS, BECAUSE WE WANT EVERYONE AND ANYONE TO BE ABLE TO AFFORD ONE.

By "so low," they mean $54.99. I wonder what the profit margin on leprechauns is.
THIS IS ONE ENTITY THAT YOU CAN'T AFFORD NOT TO HAVE...THEY ARE THAT GOOD!!
I dunno. I've been doing pretty well without one so far.
DARE TO DREAM!!
Those were good games. I miss shareware.
~Spirited Enterprise & Spiral Morrigan~

...bringing REAL MAGICK back to REAL PEOPLE!!!
Ah yes, the re-democratization of magic. Except it was never democratized in the first place. Magic, in myth and legend, was always the purview of a chosen elite. In reality, those thought to have magic powers have never been "real people," but instead twisted outcasts, bizarre shamans, or ascetic lonters.. Magic isn't populist; it's elitist or exclusionary.

This reeks of proletarian revolution. One of the magical bourgeoisie, a lucky man in green, was conquered and subdued, forced into a cheap piece of tacky jewelry, and made to do the bidding of poor white trash in an attempt to make them elites in the temporal world. Those without the means to generate their own wealth instead exist on the back of a poor leprechaun, far from home.

Ah, well. 'Tis the lot of the Irish to find themselves on another shore, exploited by others and looked down upon. Sarka will get used to it, or he'll start murdering Italian mobsters. Until next time, Éirinn go Brách!

The action continues below the fold...