A Crackpot in Canada

Wow. I seem to have located some of the most absurd "science" on display in the entire webiverse. Thanks to Something Awful, I clicked on their most recent Awful Link of the Day, and walked right into the mad scientist laboratory of complete fucktard (excuse me, "independent scientist") John Hutchison. Here we see a veritable buffet of nonsense, from which we can pick and choose our meal and eat to our heart's content. It's like going to Pizza Hut at lunchtime, except with less pizza and more crazy.

Though I'm not sure "crazy" is quite the right word. It seems more like "fabrication." But let's begin at the beginning. Here's a few excerpts from the summary on his main page, a fuchsia mess of poorly sized graphics, Harry Potter typesets, and two cyberpenises shooting lightning at each other. All spelling errors are original.

John Hutchison's life changed drastically in 1979 when, upon starting up an array of high-voltage equipment, he felt something hit his shoulder. He threw the piece of metal back to where it seemed to have originated, and it flew up and hit him again. This was how he originally discovered fundamental frequencies can sheild gravity.

Fundamental frequencies can shield gravity? What does this even mean? Why does gravity need shielding? Is it under attack? And what type of high-voltage equipment, I wonder? Power lines? Those cool globe things that send tendrils of purple out to your fingers when you touch them? It's interesting in its vagueness. Remember, folks, when lying, it is better to be specific. Nonspecificity is more easily pegged as a lie. Not that I'm saying that the redoubtable Mr. Hutchison is lying. No. Just that, well, he's lying.

Upon analysis and thorough investigation, the Canadian government dubbed this phenomenon the Hutchison Effect.

I see no evidence for this claim over the rest of the entire website. You think that he would proudly display documentary evidence of such an occurrence somewhere, but no. But then, it's irrelevant anyway, because the Canadian government is not the arbiter of science. New Line Cinema called a movie "The Butterfly Effect," and it didn't have shit to do with chaos theory. But more to the point, a government granting a fancy name to something doesn't make it science. Calling something X doesn't make it X. As Abe Lincoln is thought to have said, "How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg."

What is the Hutchison effect? As with much of the new-energy field, no one can say for sure. Some theorists think the effect is the result of opposing electromagnetic fields cancelling each other out, creating a powerful flow of space energy. The Canadian government also reported invisible samples phasing in and out of existence.

What is the Hutchison effect? Complete bullshit. I don't even want to call it woo, because it's all so transparently intentionally false. "The new-energy field," however, does sound like complete woo. "Space energy?" As they say in Canada, "Eh?" And as you'll see when we get to the pictures and videos, if the Canadian government said any such thing, then Infophile should start a movement for an immediate special election in all districts.

A Vancouver businessman, George Liscazis, heard about the Hutchison Effect in 1987, contacted Hutchison, and brought in a consulting engineer from Boeing Aerospace, and the Canadian government to form a company that would promote technology developed from the effect. Many different political factors ensured Hutchison would not be allowed to continue in his research unless he signed agreements with either the Canadian government or the U.S. military. He refused.

This is followed by a summary of the illegal actions taken by the Canadian government to seize Mr. Hutchison's equipment, which, of course, was totally covered up. The quote itself shows that, of course, it was politics that meant he couldn't do further work. Those pesky Men in Black, always stomping on the little guy. And let's get something straight, something that's been working my last nerve for a while now. Engineers are not scientists. They are engineers. They have the ability, of course, to understand science, but are not educated strictly to do so. Scientists are, and that's why they're called scientists. No offense, scientifically-literate engineers. It's just that engineers love to claim knowledge beyond their purview, and many of them seem extra susceptible to the woo. I matriculated at one of the best colleges for engineering in America, and every last one of my engineer friends had some pet woo, from aura reading to Reiki, because "Trust me, I'm a scientist. It's science." Well, no, it's not and you're not. You're a fucking engineer.

After many more years of experiments, demonstrations and lectures in other countries such as U.S.A. Germany and Japan, Hutchison returned to Vancouver in 1991.

The Time Cube dude lectured, too, and at MIT, no less. Doesn't make him any less of a crackpot.

Under the "Experiments" section, you will find John and friends are still developing new ideas, and historically engineering suppressed and lost technologies for release and scrutiny by the general public. In John's upcomming newsletter, he will be releasing never before seen, previously classified documentation from his own works as well as the Department of Defense documentation he has aquired over the years. from government sources, with or without official authorization.

I love how "Experiments" is in quotes. It accurately describes the work he does (be patient, we'll get there). And here we see the appeal to lost and suppressed technologies. "THEY didn't want you to know about it, but I, John Hutchison, FREEDOM SCIENTIST, will liberate the truth. With or without official authorization."

Please enjoy this independent scientist's website and all it has to offer. John has remained independent regardless of multi million dollar offers to conceal his findings from the general public. N.A.S.A. is among the agencies he has turned down, as well as both the superpowers offerings to privatize and or militarize his inventions. John belives in a world of free energy and the marvels of anti- gravity for the general public, not just those in positions of power. He also remains hopeful his inventions one day will ease the burden and suffering, and enrich all of mankind all around the world, rich or poor.

Whatever, asshole. I'd like to see actual evidence that he's turned down millions of dollars from governments and NASA and who knows who else. All we have from the American government is here: a few letters saying "No, we don't want your shit," and a very long Department of Defense newsletter that doesn't seem to have anything to do with him. The archive of all government contact and documentation boasts an impressive number of "under construction" links. There's also this letter from somebody at NASA who shows what I will call "exceptionally polite skepticism." Once again, though, it must be said that even if the government somehow bought into his crap, that still doesn't mean it's real. Here again the noble Robin Hood of nonscience turns down the rich to give to the poor. And what exactly does he have to give? Here's a few samples.

Photo #1: Aluminum bar jellification
What a phenomenon, jellification. It looks to me like he sculpted something out of gray clay and took a picture.

Photo #2: Jellied metal cylinder
That looks like Play-Doh does when you remove it from its little plastic canister. Coincidence? You be the judge.

Photo #3: Anomalous behavior caused by the Hutchison effect
So the Hutchison effect stacks a bunch of random shit on a table? Ooh, spooky.

Photo #4: Piece of wood morphed into aluminum
Here I must use the classification of Dr. Thorpe, the SA writer who posted the link: what we are seeing here is the "mysterious silver spraypaint effect."

Photo #5: A stainless butterknife moulded into a block of aluminum
I'm not even sure what to do with this. Butterknives aren't even shaped like that. It's like a retarded spoon or something. With spraypaint.

Photo #6: Aluminum anomalies
So, from left to right we have: spraypainted clay, spraypainted wood splintered in the middle, what appears to be a ferrous alloy rather than aluminum, probably found in a junkyard somewhere, and the aforementioned spraypainted pieces of wood. Are we really supposed to take this guy seriously?

Photo #7: Levitation of a disappearing bar of steel
Now this would be useful. Levitating things while making them disappear at the same time? Amazing! Unfortunately, all I see is a reflective block of metal standing on end. Next, we have my absolute favorite out of everything on his site...

Photo #8: John's homemade ray gun, exhibited at Expo '86
"John's movie prop ray gun, admired by Howard Stern in a 1986 metal video on MTV." Seriously, that shit looks like something from the original Dr. Who series. It is the prototypical sci-fi gun, and it doesn't help that it is labeled only "ray gun." What kind of rays does it shoot? You'd think that since the guy built it, he'd be more specific as to its projectile capacity. Instead, we're left with more vagueness and a picture of something straight out of Buck Fucking Rogers. In all the videos on his website, nowhere is there a shot of this "ray gun" shooting "rays." That would be fantastic evidence that he isn't a complete crackpot, and very simple to do, unless, of course, the gun shoots "video erasing rays."

Speaking of movies, it's time we take a look at a few of his clips of "anomalous activity." These are fantastic. Following each link will be commentary containing a likely explanation for what magical new-energy science most likely caused the observed effect. And maybe some ridicule. (Warning: he can't be bothered to post actual video files, so you'll need Flash to watch most of his files.)

Video #1: Portal phenomenon caused by the Hutchison Effect
Flashlight on a wall. Video overexposed to exacerbate the "mystery."

Video #2: Levitation of an empty 2L bottle caused by the Hutchison Effect.
Fishing line. I mean, seriously, this looks worse than the "special effects" in 50s movies. And now, somehow, we've mad the leap from metal to synthetic polymers. Why, I wonder, did it have to be an empty 2-liter bottle? Are the full ones too hard to lift with your fishing line?

Video #3: Aluminum jellification caused by the Hutchison effect
Nothing special here, really. A static bent rod of something-or-other lying on a table. How did he create it? Oh, I don't know, say he bent it? I'd like to see jellification in action rather than just a bunch of still shots. Sadly, I doubt that will ever happen, see, because this man is full of shit.

Video #4: Anomalous behavior caused by the Hutchison effect
A bowl filled with viscous liquid is attached upside-down to a piece of plywood. The camera is then turned upside-down to make it look like the substance is levitating when, in fact, it is falling.

Video #5: More classic Hutchison effect footage
What we have here is a pixelated mess that makes me think he really is just a heavy metal music video producer. It's mostly fishing line work, but there's an interesting bit where he causes a plastic milk jug to "collapse," probably by sucking air out through a hole in its stationary bottom.

Video #6: Very first footage of the Hutchison effect. The samples phase in and out of existence
Ooh, this one's in Quicktime! Try as I might, I do not see any "phasing" whatsoever. Of course, given that "phase" is really rather an ill-defined verb, I might just be looking for the wrong thing. What I see is a piece of metal (the same shiny thing from photo #7, it seems) being controlled by a magnet on the other side of that piece of wood.

Notice how, except in the fishing line work, the shots are very close-up with no real periphery, so we don't get to see the intricate workings of his home-brewed 1952-era special effects studio. It's not necessary in the fishing-line work, because he's banking on his poor resolution camerawork to obfuscate its existence from a wide shot. Also on this page are clips from some show on TechTV (that's a reliable source) as well as a couple of shows about Zero Point Energy, almost always a tip-off to bullshit. Other tip-offs include his constant use of the word "Tesla," like the whackjobs I fisked last year, mentions of crystals and the Bermuda Triangle, correspondence with Hal Puthoff, one of the Ganzfeld experimenters, and a link to "Coast to Coast AM" in his "Friends" section.

Other things on the site include a giant, presumably unpublished article in PDF format, a couple of spectrograph readings that mean precisely dick to the layman (but look scientific and are thus impressive to him), and a whole page of completely irrelevant scans of letters and documents from "alternative science" fairs. I mean, the guy's been working on this shit for almost 30 years. You'd think that, if the Hutchison effect were real, he'd have incontrovertible proof and real scientists would have beat a path to his door in excitement. After all, he levitated and morphed and phased objects with stuff that cost him a normal person's salary and not a military budget. But no, not even one article in a real journal, and not a single video or picture that can't be explained with $10 worth of stuff from the Wal-Mart down the street.

Basically, there's nothing whatsoever to convince me, you, or anyone else that this guy is anything but a nut with a camera and some string. The sheer obviousness of the falseness of his claims leads me to believe that he isn't even trying to be truthful, just grab a little fame for himself among other nuts. This is some of the worst, most transparent nonsense I think I've ever seen. 30 years of wasted time. Countless hours spent to fill a badly-constructed website with pointless nonsense, none of which proves his ridiculous conjectures. I hope he's getting something out of it. I imagine that "the Hutchison effect" is, in reality, John Hutchison's ability to get off while thinking of all the creduloids who fall for his garbage. Apparently, to counter the Hutchison effect, all you need is a couple pieces of Kleenex.